i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
