he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
