just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
