I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
