shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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