So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
