wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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