I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
