I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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