guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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