There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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