Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
