i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
