I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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