I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
