peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
