yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
