Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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