margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
