I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
