Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i need some magic done to my vagina
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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