found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
