Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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