Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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