I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
