I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
