just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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