I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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