i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We need to get me chipped asap
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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