I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
