she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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