I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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