Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
