they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
