yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
