I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
