Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
