he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
