what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
