we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My penis needs a shock collar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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