and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
