We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
