If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
