we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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