Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
