apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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