put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
