My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
