Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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