The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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