Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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