your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
